From Dual-Income to Single-Income: Common Marital Issues When Making The Adjustment

The Financial Aspect.

When both spouses are financially contributing to the household coffers, the full weight and pressure of paying the family's bills does not reside on one person's shoulders. When the family transforms from a dual-income family to a single-income family, the working spouse feels the additional stress of “making ends meet” and supporting the family. This may pronounce itself in the form of additional pressure on that spouse to perform better at work. Even though the decision for one spouse to stay at home was likely made jointly, there may be some frustration or even anger towards the spouse who is staying at home for being the apparent source or cause of this stress and pressure.

The stay-at-home spouse, on the other hand, often feels a sense of guilt. The source of the guilt may be a combination of no longer contributing financially as well as putting additional pressure on the weight of the working spouse. These feelings of guilt, stress, and frustration often build in a relationship.

In dealing with this issue, both spouses should sit down and have an open discussion. The stay-at-home spouse should make every effort to be supportive of the frustrations and stress that the circumstances are placing on the working spouse. The working spouse likewise should attempt to understand that the stay-at-home spouse is now making important and valuable non-financial contributions to the family, many of which are helping to make other aspects of the family's lives less stressful. This may include handling more chores around the house and carrying additional child-rearing responsibilities.

Non-Stop Work.

Staying at home with children is, by its very definition, an around-the-clock job. If the kids wake up with nightmares or are sick in the middle of the night, most likely the stay-at-home spouse will be tending to the child. Throughout the day, there are dirty diapers, messes and spills, snacks, play dates and sports activities, household chores, and so on. The difficult aspect of the stay-at-home spouse's job is not that the work is difficult, but rather that the work is constant from morning until night, and sometimes even throughout the night.

Thus comes the evening dilemma. The working spouse arrives home and wants to decompress from a busy day at the office. The stay-at-home spouse sees this as the prime opportunity to get a much-needed break from the kids. First and foremost, the spouses should discuss their feelings and ensure that both spouses understand the need for the other to have a break. Don't use this time as a contest to see who had the worse day. Instead, try to reach an understanding or compromise based on the particulars of the day. The solution may be as simple as giving the working spouse a few minutes to unwind before the stay-at-home spouse gets a break.

The Countless Benefits.

When one parent is able to stay at home with the children, there are countless benefits not only to the children but to the whole family as well. While some challenges are created when a spouse stays at home, other beneficial side effects may occur. With only one spouse working, there is additional time during the day for what once were evening and weekend chores to be completed during the day. When these chores are completed during the workday, this frees up a considerable amount of time on the weekend and evening for the family to spend together with fun activities rather than on chores.

While some stresses may be created, the overall stress level of the couple and the family as a whole likely diminishes. The amount of hustle and bustle in the house diminishes, particularly in those periods of time right before and after work and school. The stay-at-home spouse, while constantly busy, is likely not as stressed as when he or she was working outside of the house. This creates an overall more peaceful and less chaotic home environment for the working spouse, as well as the rest of the family.

Keep in mind that while both spouses are no longer contributing financially, each is making a significant and valuable contribution to the family. Maintain the idea that marriage is a partnership. While your partnership may have transformed, it is nonetheless still a give-and-take relationship where compromises and helping hands are required from both parties. Keep the lines of communication and understanding open, and enjoy a strong and happy marriage!

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Financial advice for stay-at-home parents
Relationship advice
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Managing your finances better
Help with a low income